


Self Care

by asapaints



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Body Worship, Clone Fucking Debate Taken To The Logical Extreme, Hand Jobs, Learning How To Love Yourself (wink), M/M, Masturbation but creatively, PWP, Parallel Universes, Selfship, Thinking with portals, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asapaints/pseuds/asapaints
Summary: Every alarm bell in his head was blaring like crazy.  It felt so wrong, so bizarre, to feel this way about someone who was literally practically yourself.  But, in a twisted way, it was for that reason that the feelings were there in the first place - here was someone, another man, as equally starved for attention, who’d gone the same amount of time without feeling the warmth of friendly skin on theirs, who not only felt the exact same way, but knew exactly what made him tick.  There was no need for discussion on likes or dislikes, no awkward talks or drawing it out.  His heart beat the same as his, identical in frequency.Freud must be observing them from Hell and laughing.
Relationships: Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper/Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Self Care

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by @puffeyes on Pixiv's Sigma/Sigma art!  
> https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/80136478

“...fascinating.” Siebren said, his voice wavering in awe and shock in equal measure.

Before him was the gateway, the one he’d been studying for the past several weeks. It was a special assignment, one that he had been warned might be dangerous; the tech was old, left over from a Talon scientist who, most disconcertingly, had disappeared mysteriously. Dr. De Kuiper had been brought in as a last-ditch effort to save the research, or else the whole project would be scrapped. He was used to long nights of overtime, alone in a laboratory tucked in some distant hallway, but this one had proven especially challenging. Weeks of caffeine-fueled pouring over notes, adjusting screws with grease-covered hands, and rewriting mathematical phrases over and over again, had finally led to this moment.

The portal had been turned on, the equations were correct, and standing before him was a mirror image of himself.

The room behind the duplicate was nearly identical to his own, like looking into a clear pool of water - the mess of paper and string on the walls, the stacks of coffee cups and spoons, the piles of busted mechanical parts; everything was the same. Including, and especially, the scientist himself.

“I- I did it!” Siebren said, hand hand covering his mouth.

“ _Nee_ , we did it.” The parallel Siebren replied, the elation in his voice palpable.

“Of course,” Siebren chucked. “ _We_ did it.”

Gravity-controlled pens waved wildly in the air as they took notes, recording every inch of the scene.

“For the sake of clarity in the records, how should we...differentiate ourselves, Dr. De Kuiper?” Siebren cleared his throat.

The parallel Siebren hummed, putting his finger to his chin.

“Well. For how smart we are, neither of us thought that far, did we? All of the theory, and none of the practice. How like us. We could go with a classic, the old Greek, and you’ll be Siebren Alpha and I’ll be Siebren Beta?”

“That…” Siebren said. “Has unfortunate connotations, I feel. And why should I be the first? We did this in tandem, no? May I refer to you as, perhaps, Siebren One, and myself as Siebren Two?”

“Too modest, Doctor, we are both too modest.” The parallel Siebren chuckled. “Looking to put each other first, when we are, in fact, each other. What of something more equal? Something like...I’m Red, and you’re Blue.”

“Seems fair enough.” Siebren Blue nodded, a smile plastered on his face.

Siebren Red paused, letting the note-taking pens catch up to them.

“Well, Siebren Blue. I’m going to begin breaching the portal,” He announced, rolling his fingers nervously. “Prepare emergency shutoff procedures, in...in case of failure.”

His heart skipped in his chest. Crossing though the universes was part of the experiment that he’d been planning, of course, but it hadn’t quite dawned on him that if something went wrong, he might have to watch something terrible happen to himself.

_”And I really don’t need more psychological problems.”_ He thought anxiously.

“Ah, I know what you’re thinking right now.” Said Siebren Red. “Because I am thinking it too. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, or else I’d be saying it to myself.”

Siebren Blue exhaled a small laugh, Of course, they were feeling the same way. It was almost comforting. He’d been alone for so many dangerous experiments, so to have anyone feel the same way as him, right by his side...it was reassuring, somehow.

He rested his hand on the shutoff switch, ready to halt the experiment if necessary.

Siebren Red twirled a pen between his fingers, a nervous habit that was familiar to both of them.

“Initiating,” He said, catching the pen between his index and middle fingers.

He slowly, cautiously touched the pen to the surface of the portal. The cap made contact with it, and like a kaleidoscope, its reflection burst into a symmetry rippling across the gateway. It was beautiful to look at, like an abstract art piece, all reflected in perfect eightfold. The notes floating around them were being written wildly, feverishly.

Siebren Red pulled the pen away, examining it on his end.

“The molecules seem stable. Unharmed.” He said excitedly. “Of course, I would need to run several tests to be sure, but I believe our portal is safe to cross!”

He held the pen at eye level, pinching it between his fingers. It seemed to still be a perfectly normal pen, especially for being possibly one of the first objects to ever cross the boundaries of space and time in such a manner.

“It would be proper scientific method to run such tests before doing anything...rash.” Siebren Blue replied, his eyes fixed on the pen.

“Agreed, it would be quite foolish to apply this to a more...risky subject, so quickly into the experiment.” Siebren Red said.

“Yes, quite foolish.” Said Siebren Blue.

They looked at each other, knowing exactly what the other was thinking.

Without even needing to say anything, Siebren Red held up his hand to the portal. His fingertips danced dangerously close to the precipice of universes. Cautiously, gingerly, he let his index finger brush the surface. An image of symmetrical reflections burst like sun rays from the touch, both scientists watching in complete awe.

“It- it’s not painful,” Siebren Red said quickly. “It feels almost, ah, like lukewarm water? There’s barely a sensation at all, really, it’s quite amazing-”

Siebren Blue watched in wonderment. It almost looked like a flower, or the spiral of a pinecone, or the fan of a peacock’s tail, but so much more affrighting, unnatural - it was beautiful, in a way that made looking at it feel wrong.

Without his brain catching up to his actions, Siebren Blue reached out his hand and gently touched his fingertip to the other man’s.

They were identical, down to the fingerprint. It was a perfect alignment.

Siebren Red pressed his hand forward, letting the palm skim the surface. Siebren Blue copied, completing the reflection. Almost as if it was a natural, rehearsed action, their fingers intertwined, meshing together like they were woven strands of the same cloth. His parallel self had been right; despite the dazzling visual, it felt like nothing at all was between them, simply skin touching skin.

Siebren Red pressed his thumb into the crevice of Siebren Blue’s palm. Their hands squeezed together, the action becoming more curious, more...

Suddenly, Siebren Blue felt a sick feeling in his stomach, something deep and wrong and hungry. His already racing heart skipped a beat. Was he really so touch starved? This was practically like holding his own hand. It was sad, pathetic really, how excited it made him feel, to have personal contact like this with someone else, even if it was only himself. He had melted completely into the touch. When was the last time he’d held someone’s hand? He couldn’t even remember. Curse his desperation, curse his inquisitive mind.

Siebren Red looked at him. He knew what he was thinking. Of course he did. He was thinking it too.

“We…we should...” Siebren Blue said softly, unsure of how to articulate himself.

Without warning, Siebren Red pushed through the barrier, sending a kaleidoscope of colors rippling through the surface of the portal, reflecting every inch of him as he climbed his lanky body through.

He practically tackled the other man, shoving him to the ground. He landed on top of him, sending the air rushing out of Siebren Blue’s lungs.

“Ah, my god, I’m s-sorry-” Siebren Red gasped.

Neither moved, just breathing heavily in place. Siebren Red had pinned him to the ground, their hands still intertwined on the floor near Siebren Blue’s head, their legs tangled messily.

“A-are you…alright?” Siebren Blue breathed. “Any...any side effects…? Of going through a portal between universes?”

Siebren Red laughed, a short exclamation of relief.

“No, no, I feel fine.”

“Ah,” Siebren Blue sighed. “Good, I’m...I’m glad.”

Neither moved.

“...we might be brilliant scientists, but we are also very, very stupid, _ja_?” Siebren Red laughed shakily.

“Oh, yes,” Siebren Blue said. “For sure, we are. Very stupid.”

“How foolish! To jump through a portal like that! So injudicious of me!” Siebren Red smiled, shaking his head.

“For the record, I think I was about to do the same thing.” Siebren Blue chuckled. “Jump through to your side, that is.”

He paused. The silence between them was suddenly painful, the nervous relieved laughter fading.

“You’re...you’re thinking the same thoughts I am, right?” He asked finally, white hot shame burning in his throat.

“...I believe I am.” Said Siebren Red.

“This is very weird.” Said Siebren Blue.

“It is.” Said Siebren Red.

“Ethically debatable.” Said Siebren Blue.

“It could be debated.” Said Siebren Red.

It suddenly felt very warm in the laboratory, too warm indeed. Siebren Red’s leg felt too heavy between his, his hand clutched a little too tight, their hips a little too aligned. God, it really had been so long, since someone was in his space like this. Siebren lived indisputably inside of a bubble - to most, he was the unhinged scientist with a questionably deserved reputation; to a rare few, he was a respected colleague, perhaps even a workplace friend. But that had been all that he’d had, for far too long, he was now realizing.

Every alarm bell in his head was blaring like crazy. It felt so wrong, so bizarre, to feel this way about someone who was literally practically yourself. But, in a twisted way, it was for that reason that the feelings were there in the first place - here was someone, another man, as equally starved for attention, who’d gone the same amount of time without feeling the warmth of friendly skin on theirs, who not only felt the exact same way, but knew exactly what made him tick. There was no need for discussion on likes or dislikes, no awkward talks or drawing it out. His heart beat the same as his, identical in frequency.

Freud must be observing them from Hell and laughing.

“It...it would simply be in the pursuit of science, of course.” He said, not averting his gaze from Siebren Red’s eyes. “To make sure...you have no side effects. I’d like to examine you.”

It was a flimsy excuse. Both of them knew it.

“That sounds very...appropriate.” Siebren Red said casually, though his voice wavered unsubtly. “We must be thorough.”

Siebren Blue nodded. Siebren Red nodded back.

He rolled to the side, prying himself off of the other man. Siebren Blue felt an embarrassing swell of sadness at the loss of contact, an itch growing in him that felt dangerous to scratch. Were they seriously about to do something potentially regrettable? He had always been one to follow his curious nose, even when it got him into less than ideal circumstances. But it had never been something like this.

He sat upright, steadying his breaths. His eyes fixed upon his empty hands, the ones that were just entangled with his duplicate. They were identical to the other man’s in every way, and yet, inferior somehow. Maybe they just seemed empty now. Maybe they’d been empty for a long time.

Siebren Blue looked up to see that Red had unbuttoned his lab coat, and was shifting it off of his arms. He rolled his black turtleneck off of his stomach, and over his head, letting it fall to the floor. The sight made his entire face flush with pink. He was impressively handsome, for an old man. His midsection was soft, yet muscular, with a thin layer of fat covering a solid core. It reminded him of a swimmer’s form, but aged delicately. He was broad, his shoulders and chest expansive, which tapered down significantly at his trim waist. The plume of hair on his pecs trailed down his middle, leading a path straight to somewhere he definitely wasn’t ready to think about just yet.

Surely this Siebren had been plucked from a universe where everything was the same, except he was simply born luckier, with better genes. But no - looking down at his own chest, they were still identical. He felt a twinge of guilt for admiring his own body. It seemed rather conceited to do so. Maybe he needed to make sure they were truly identical with...further examination.

“M...may I…?” Said Siebren Blue, inching closer with his hands raised slightly.

“I’m not sure you’ll need to ask permission to do anything, really.” Siebren Red replied, his own face flushing with emotion. “Nobody knows your limits better than yourself, right?”

He hesitated for a moment, holding onto the precipice of no return. He placed his fingertips on the other man’s jawline, so gently it was as if he was afraid the touch would burn. He was warm, his pulse just perceptible on the vulnerable part of his neck beneath his skin.

With a single taste, he was addicted. Siebren Red thawed into the contact, leaning his head into it like a cat desperately wanting to be pet. Blue wrapped his hand around his face, thumb hitching below his ear, suddenly feeling like he might die if he didn’t get as much of them touching as possible, right now. Their stiff posture melted, leaving any uncertainty about the intimacy far away in the dust behind them,

Siebren Blue ran his hands up through Red’s hair, letting the short tufts of grey comb through his fingers. He’d never realized how soft his hair was, like petting the warm fur of a purring cat. His eyes grazed over Red’s forehead, when a small birthmark on the man’s temple caught his attention.

“Fascinating.” Siebren Blue breathed, running his thumb gently over it. “I do believe I’ve found one difference between us. You have a birthmark here-”

He pressed it gently.

“-and I have one here, instead.”

He took Siebren Red’s hand, and placed his forefinger onto the side of his nose, where he’d been born with a subtle mark of light umber brown.

Siebren Red examined Blue’s face, seeing no mark on his temple.

“...a parallel universe, where everything is exactly the same, but I was born with slightly different freckles.” He sighed. “How fascinating - it surely indicates the endless possibilities that exist. The world is magnificent, isn’t it?”

Siebren Blue hummed in agreement, more sure of that now than ever.

His hands trailed their way down Red’s neck, lingering on the dip where his collarbone bowed. He paused on every freckle, every small birthmark, lingering on every detail that made the man unique. They dragged mindlessly down his chest, across the greying hair on his pectorals, down to his nipples.

“In college, I always wanted to get them pierced...” Siebren Red said, his voice hoarser than before.

Siebren Blue chuckled. “I always regretted chickening out.”

He brushed his thumbs over them, sending a shiver down Siebren Red’s body.

“I thought, maybe, if I had…” Red began, letting the sentiment trail off.

“...people would see me as adventurous.” Blue finished, a hint of bittersweet in his tone.

“I’ve always wanted to be adventurous.” Red sighed.

Siebren Blue couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“You know, considering everything, I think...I think we are quite adventurous, actually.”

Siebren Red nodded, the thought marinating in his mind.

“...perhaps you’re right.”

God, it felt so satisfying, to be known - better yet, _understood_ \- by someone else so intimately. It was like they’d known each other for years - because in a way, they had. It was all the benefits of a relationship with ages of communication, without all of the hard work. It was the ease Siebren had desperately needed.

His hands trailed lower, resting on Siebren Red’s waist. It was so thin, compared to the broadness of his chest.

“...do you remember...when we were on a mission with that Talon sniper - Widowmaker, is her name… and we realized that her bodysuit had corset boning sewn into it?” He asked quietly.

Siebren Red sighed.

“Yes! How impractical. But afterwards, secretly researching how to put some in our own armor...how embarrassing.”

“...I’ve never been able to tell anyone…” Siebren Blue whispered. ”...that maybe, sometimes, I want to look pretty like that, too…”

Siebren Red nodded slowly.

His hands flexed on Red’s waist, feeling the smallness of it.

“I think it would suit you. Suit us.” Siebren Red said, looking Blue in the eyes.

Siebren Blue looked away, biting his lip. Though it seemed silly to agree, he couldn’t help thinking that Red was right.

He exhaled, letting his face fall into Siebren Red’s pillow-like chest. It was so soft, so warm, so comforting in a way that defied words.

“...we’ve reached the point of no return, I feel.” Siebren Blue whispered into the other man’s skin.

“I would agree.” He replied.

Siebren Blue’s hands were toying with the edge of Red’s black stirrup slacks, carefully hitching his thumbs on the hem.

“If the, ah, _experiment_ should be terminated, at any time-” He said nervously.

“It’s okay.” Red replied softly. “I want this. You want this.”

It was true, but somehow, so hard to internalize. It was difficult to believe that after all this time, all of the lonely nights, a willing partner had found their way into his arms - not to even mention the...unique circumstances.

“...okay.” He whispered.

Siebren Blue pried his face away - a Herculean task - and looked down at his hands. He carefully, purposefully, hitched the man’s pants down to his thighs. He tried desperately to keep his composure as he placed a careful fingertip on the bulge held back by his thin underwear - it was warm, and already drenched with excitement. He couldn’t help but blush wildly, knowing he was just as aroused.

“Let’s...let’s both…” SIebren Red said, his voice faltering.

He pawed at Siebren Blue’s stomach. Blue nodded, fumbling with his belt buckle and fly.

Letting free his cock was like inhaling air after being underwater. He felt more desperate than ever to get their skin touching, as much as possible, as soon as possible. He didn’t _want_ this relief, he _needed_ it.

Feverishly, shakily, before he could regret it, he pulled off Siebren Red’s underwear, sloppily pressing their dicks against each other. A bolt of electricity fired through his whole body.

They were identical, of course; with a comfortable, perhaps even above-average length, and thick, impressive girth. They mirrored each other, down to the ribbons of veins that snaked down the sides of their shafts, the uncut head, and the wild unshaven hair that grew like a wildfire from the base up to his navel.

Siebren Blue pushed them together deeper, pulling Siebren Red into his lap, entangling their legs.

“Sorry, I-I’m not going to last very long-” Said Siebren Red, his tone seeming ashamed.

“I’m- I’m not going to either…” Laughed Siebren Blue breathily.

Siebren Red reached his hand in between them, wrapping his long elegant fingers around Blue’s cock.

The feeling was so familiar, and yet, so wildly foreign. It was almost the exact same sensation he’d felt when he took matters into his own hands, as it were - like nearly a month ago, when that one nice IT worker had made him an extra cup of tea out of the blue, and he’d thought about them a little too much when he got back to his quarters. He knew the feeling of his own hand against himself. He knew the feeling of his calloused thumb running circles around the tip of his cock, teasing the heat from his gut to the forefront. He had an embarrassing amount of practice, knowing exactly which buttons to push. It felt the same as all of those times, physically. But this time, it wasn’t his hand. It was another man’s hand, one that knew just as well the motions to go through that would bring him to his boiling point with a scientific amount of efficiency.

Siebren Blue mirrored his actions, rubbing his thumb in smooth circles on the head of Red’s dick. Red sighed, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, pulling Blue close to him by the neck.

Languidly, Siebren Red began to dance his fingers down his shaft, causing goosebumps to rise on every inch of him. Blue copied the action, with the addition of swirling his hand around in just that way he knew he liked. Red followed suit, letting the strokes become messier as they increased in tempo.

“Siebren…hah...I’m…” Blue mumbled, brain starting to swim too fast for words.

A needy whine escaped Siebren Red’s throat, his hips jerking up suddenly. His grip on Blue’s neck tightened, clearly also on the precipice.

It felt so good, so perfect, so right. It was a sugar high he never wanted to come down from, his blood flowing with cherry syrup, his mind filled with candy floss. He’d never been one for sweet vices, but this was far too tempting not to gorge on. It was teeth-rottingly good.

On the downstroke of Siebren Red’s hand, he felt the tightly wound spring in his stomach finally undo, his vision clouding with colors and stars as he came.

As his senses regained, and his mind joined his body back down on earth, he looked at their hands to see that his counterpart had come too. His breathing was just as ragged and spent as his, his eyes still squeezed shut from the intensity of it.

“I’m sorry...that was so fast…” Panted Siebren Red, hand trembling on the back of Blue’s neck.

Siebren Blue breathed a laugh out his nose.

“I was going to say the same thing,” He sighed. “ _Godverdomme,_ it’s been so long.”

Siebren Red exhaled shortly in understanding.

Their noses brushed each other, faces so close they could feel each other's hot breath. Inching closer, naturally, their lips met each other like two pieces of a puzzle finally interlocking. It was a slow, yet deliberate kiss, all open mouths and involuntary whines. It was hot, and raw, and passionate, and maybe a bit overwhelming--

Siebren Blue broke them apart, pulling his mouth away and covering it gently with his palm. His heart hammered in his chest.

“That...may have been a bit too far.” He said.

“Hmm,” Said Siebren Red, the blush on his face red as a sunset. “You...you may be right. About that.”

He put his free hand gently to Blue’s cheek, cupping his face with both hands.

“Maybe...further experimentation...would be required…” He breathed. “In the pursuit of science, of course…”

Siebren Red sighed, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth, the tenderness of touch. The excited bright gold feeling in his chest sparkled like champagne.

“I couldn’t agree more.” He replied, letting himself revel in the ideal of being known.

**Author's Note:**

> haaahhhhh WELL I HOPE YOU ENJOYED, I sure liked writing about this lonely ol grampa (thumbs up but I'm crying)


End file.
